Stream of Consciousness in the Age of Loneliness [tae lee]

(Full disclaimer: Halfway writing this thing [Is it an essay? A poem? Seems more like an internet post], it became pretty clear to me why I’m a painter and not an author)

My mind is a jumbled place. Constantly creating theories about why things are the way they are. Always searching for meaning, causes, and effects. I may be addicted to epiphanies.

My intellectual laziness has created a nebulous purgatory of half truths and biased ideas.

One train of thought that has been on my mind for a long time, is this Age of Loneliness that we find ourselves in.

—

We are lonely.

Neo-liberalism has finally almost perfected the atomization of society into a population of individuals who experience every interaction with one another transactionally.

What can I get from you? What good are you to me?

We quantify people, places and things, as a list of pluses and minuses. We think in ratings.

Do I really wanna waste my precious evening on a 6.8 movie?

Well, that taco place has 5 stars, but it’s only been reviewed by 23 people, while this other taco place has 4 stars, but it’s been reviewed by over 800 people. Hmm. Well let’s see which one is closer to on Google Maps.

Being judgmental is no longer a character deficiency to be warned against (“he who is without sin …”), it is the societal Modus Operandi.

photo by Ren Hang, victim of suicide

Once we get into the momentum of judging and scrutinizing, (This chair is ugly. That movie dragged in the last act. This guy is toxic. This girl is problematic.) inevitably we focus the Eye of Sauron onto ourselves. Through the lens of narcissism, we are self-aware enough to see the list of our being.

My hair? 5.3 stars

My height? 3.5 stars

My ass? 4.2 stars

Where I am in life compared to my friends? 6.4 stars

I can accept this 6.8 star job with unfair wages a little longer, but only because that 9.0 career exists sometime soon.

—

Possible Solutions? :

Acceptance - The cycle death and rebirth. Societies crumble and societies rise, it’s just the course of causality. The human race is engineering our own doom, but any animal would have evolved something equivalent to the semi-autonomous half-conscious thing we are!

Politics (Socialism) - We are vicious towards each other and to ourselves because we are constantly oppressed by our own diminished supply of the material wealth. If we deal with wealth inequality, eventually the pressure of living without a social safety net will dissipate, and everyone could become more chill.

Spirituality - Fear-based anxiety about our past and future causes us to be reactionary. If I focus on the present, and live life without judgment, accepting reality as it is, but choosing love even still, I will judge others no more, and therefore I will also stop harshly judging myself.

Technocratic utopia - A.I. hive mind takes care of this shit.

—

Final thoughts.

3 friends of mine have joked about killing themselves in the past month. I don’t believe jokes come from nowhere. Sometimes the only way to open up dialogue about a taboo subject is through “humor”.

In the past, I would have been concerned. I would have thought, maybe I should sit them down and talk to them or something. In the past, I would’ve stopped there because my second voice would have told me to just mind my own business.

This month, I reached out to my friends. I ignored by self doubt and actually put out a helping hand. I don’t want to inflate my own already huge ego, but I think it helped. Two of them told me it helped.

—

I just want to say that the age of loneliness is real. Chances are high that you and the people all around you are all suffering from said Age.

Take it seriously!

You can help, talk to people, check up on them, go get out and get some coffee with a friend you might suspect is having a tough time. Don’t just have the thought of, oh I should contact so and so. Take action and make the call.

painting by Matthew Wong, victim of suicide

An individual can’t take on the Age of Loneliness in the ring. I won’t fix it or change it. BUT I can be a good friend and a decent human being by choosing to take action in kindness and solidarity. I CAN alleviate the loneliness of at least a few people.

This also helps my own loneliness.